When B*&ches Cannot Write

The difficulty of writing usually arrives when you try to write a story and certain thoughts block your head. So much has been said about writers’ block in the past and in other Facebook groups. But still it gets occasionally addressed whenever certain instances occur. And on my end, I realized that it happens more often when the thing I wanted to write is far different from the thoughts currently clouding my head.

I remember the time when I was discouraged to write in a negative voice. It was as if I used my writing skill to proliferate destruction and proselytize depression. Not that I intended to do that. It just so happened that maybe, writers’ block happened to me without disabling my ability to write. What happened instead was I cannot write what I would like to write because I ended up seeing critics that would rather see me write in an upbeat mood with an optimistic view of the world.

I wasn’t always an optimistic person. I am just being realistic without losing sight of the need to keep going because there isn’t anything else that I can do good. I complain but not that often because I try finding solutions too. So I ended up occasionally binge-ing on certain podcasts like “The Art of Charm”. (Hahaha, because I was a delusional pick-up artist if not for my vagina.) Then again I know that I have some material to write once in awhile whenever I feel burned out.

Lately no one is discouraging me even if there are times that I occasionally receive a complaint regarding how serious my writing voice is. So serious that even if I occasionally transcribe ALDUB lines for the sake of having new articles to provide on our website, it still ends up sounding serious. That is if I translate these lines into English for the sake of the non-Filipino ALDUB fan base.

I still write about ALDUB. Looking back, I just realized how each episode recap ended up looking like a mini-ebook. Minimum of 4500 words perhaps. I must be addicted. And now I am having withdrawal symptoms. I still like ALDUB. I like them so much that I had an overdose. And now I have to regain my health to get writing again. I know how much time I need to make up for that. Good thing I have understanding friends on Twitter.

Right now I still struggle with writers’ block. I don’t think I can write erotica again. Nutjobs’ description is occasionally distracting. As for love stories, not that cute either for me. Finding a love story worth sharing has become quite difficult for me. And writing about my ex has reached a saturation point for me. I still write whenever I am angry. That’s easy. All I have to do is watch election updates. Then I’m angry. Of course I’d vote. But I won’t proselytize to do the same.

And frankly, it’s been more than a decade since I last wrote a diary. Maybe because I occasionally write under a pseudonym and not be found out for what I write online. My life as a single b*&ch. My life with some of my exes. Life in debt. Life as somebody who didn’t care about jackshit. Life as a bored employee. Life as someone who suffered the consequences of working for septuagenarians and other subjects of my life that highlighted my stress. And I thought I lost my voice to that simple advice I received as a high school student.

My life is boring. I’m just the one that chased for excitement. And frankly, it’s not always for the sake of writing materials. I am the only one that can kill the boredom before the boredom kills me. Not many people realize that because marriage and children are often included in the conventional life plan of a woman. And me? I have only discovered what I wanted to do in life by the time I am in my 30’s.

I want to write. I want to teach. I want to be there when our school finally opens its first publishing house. Steep dreams, I know. But it has worked for me. When b*&ches cannot write, they go out and do something crazy. The crazier, the more interesting the story. The only thing I have to worry about next is narration. I know that the stream of consciousness approach worked for me. But it’s the same writing technique that betrayed me in the past. So more polishing is needed on my part. Wish me luck.


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