The following is a real legal document that tells a true story. Only the names have been changed to protect the guilty innocent. As is the case with most legal action, it is a story of headache and expense. Only the lawyers come out on top. Heed this warning. Learn from my sorry example.
“The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers” – William Shakespeare, from King Henry VI
I, Richard Ulysses Nestor Thompson, junior assistant to the assistant of the junior partner of the law firm Davis Usher Davidson, hereby issue official notice to the following parties of record: the legal owners of Bub’llPayEwes.com, Googoo, inc., and other deep pockets parties concerned: cease and desist.
It has come to the attention of our distinguished legal team that our client, who shall hereafter be referred to as “Runbum”, as his creative content appears under that heretofore mentioned pseudonym, has been hoodwinkedcheated deprived of just compensation from the aforementioned parties of record receiving said notice. Our client’s most recent content submission, as of the writing of this notification, has received a total of 47 “likes” on the website, Facecrook. In that he has failed to receive 47 views for this content submission, our legal team has determined that “Runbum” is owed damages due to shenanigans fraud.
Our expert team, based on a Google search intensive research, has determined that each “like” on the website in question, Facecrook, represents an average of 10.017 views. This is taking into consideration the genius, determined through deposition by writers of known and acknowledged expertise, of our client. “Runbum” received an approximate, estimated total of 471.839 views for said content, over 90% of which said parties of record have denied in their totality.
Our calculations indicate, at the contractually agreed upon rate of $.002 per view, in accordance with applicable qualifications as duly noted in the contract, “Runbum” is owed a sum of $.85 for said content alone. In that our team has not been provided compelling evidence not to assume said fraud is not applicable to our client’s previous 40 content submissions to the Bub’llPayEwes.com website, we extrapolate additional damages of $3.98. Not including punitive damages and financial compensation for “Runbum’s” pain and suffering, this amounts to a total of $4.83.
As my username implies, I'm a long-time runner, and a lazy bum who would rather write than do real work for a living. I enjoy listening to roots music, such as James Brown and Elmore James, and discovering good, but little-known, movies and shows on Netflix. I live in the Seattle area.