Fake Man Seeks Fake Woman As Social Prop

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Are you seeking a successful partnership?

Single male with hooked-up friends feels isolated. Fears losing social, business status. Needs hook-up with right female soon to counter damaging rumours.

Me – businessman on way up corporate ladder. Knows the right people, member of the right clubs. Looks professional in a suit. Looks dapper hobnobbing with makers-and-shakers on the golf links. Looks sharp on the town in his latest model BMW 7-series. Money to burn with deep credit-line.

Fake man seeks fake woman. Cheerleaders welcome.

Silicone preferred for its durability, lack of mushiness and sag.

Condo with a view and an address to impress. Job title the same.

You – all the right female parts and charms to impress friends, business associates and clients. Bright enough to shut up and act dumb when appropriate. Happy to look good just hanging under my arm. Appearance can be either born with or bought. Silicone preferred for its durability and non-mushiness. Must invest adequate time and effort to keep appearance up. Am willing to fund essential, regular treatments for this purpose at the finest day spas, clinics. Must be without imperfection. Will pay for necessary cosmetic surgeries, hair-removal

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Nobody cares about your opinions. Just shut up already.

treatments, mole/freckle/wrinkle removal treatments and so forth.

Independent/opinionated “thinkers” need not apply. This partnership is about being inoffensive and successful, not generating embarrassment and social discomfort. Conventional attitudes, viewpoints and interests required. Must keep up with all the latest gossip that might arise in casual settings – both general and from our social circle.

Gold diggers OK. I trade my impressive “gold” for

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Physical or social cripples need not apply.

your impressive looks. Latching on to my executive success means great career possibilities for you. Yet always remember your first job is to look good for me.

If this lasts a year or a lifetime is up to you. Let’s advance together on our beautiful journey of love!

Send pictures and resume ASAP.

(Consent to standard liability release forms required in the event of final selection.)

Signing off,

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your commentator, comic, sage and spiritual leader,

Runbum.

(images from Pixabay)


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