My Twin Soul – I lost him when I found him



Dante and Beatrice, twin souls, gaze upon the Highest Heaven.

Dante and Beatrice, twin souls, gaze upon the Highest Heaven. Public Domain

 

About this story ~

Twin soul is one who is with you, somehow, in every life time. My Twin Soul – I lost him when I found him. Is that my Providence, the destiny that guided me to a profound point in my life? If so, do I have the right to ask God why? Why did He lead me down this path, only to leave me numb with pain? Tis the pain I fear when the numbness has worn off.

This story needs to have an up-front explanation, in order for the reader to grasp the meaning or nuance, with I hope, some clarity. Like most children, I had an imaginary friend for a few years when I was a child. For those who believe in reincarnation, as I do, it is known that many children are born with memories of a past life, which they eventually lose sometime in the first seven or eight years of the present life. Also, for those who believe in soul mates and twin souls, as I do, there is a profoundness in finding a twin soul in life.

It is not an easy thing to live with, especially if the two are on different paths. It can be profoundly joyous and often profoundly sad.
~ ~ ~

Little boy, like my twin soul

Little boy in puddle. Public Domain

Imaginary Friend ~

I often felt a presence with me as a child. There has been another spirit walking with me since I can remember.

It is quite common for children to have an “imaginary friend”. What if, just ponder a moment or two with me, what if those imaginary friends are souls we have known in a past life? A soul that we were so close with that never would we be spiritually apart? One who will ever be in our heart.

A lot of questions I put forth and yet they are ones I must answer within this torn and worn spirit of mine.

 

 

Corn Stalks Whisper Secrets ~

Yes, I had an imaginary friend as a child. My friend and I ran across fields of plowed dirt, laughed with each other in meadows of wildflowers as we sat and wove wreaths of fragrant scents, shared secrets, learned about the beauty of Nature together, exploring hidden caves and holding each other up in the spooky darkness, watching the metamorphosis of butterfly, playing in mud puddles, comforted me when I was sick, cried with when scared and alone. He was my friend, imaginary they say, but he was my own.

As days and weeks rolled by, my friend slowly faded away as “imaginary friends” are want to do. Yes, he faded away — yet still there were times when I sat and remembered a childhood day. A smile would come to me as I saw myself running and hiding through tall stalks of corn that would bend, playing hide and seek with my imaginary friend.

Corn stalks whisper when the wind blows gently. They also have ears to hear the whispers of a child, who is running carefree and wild. I wonder if they still keep my secrets and whisper about them in spirit. Do the secrets of hopes still drift gently in other corn fields? It just may be so — that the whispers of cornstalks are the memories of a child who left them there in days of long ago.

Twin souls played in corn field.

Corn field, Creative Commons – Christian Fischer

Childhood Memories ~

Years rolled by and my friend was left back there in childhood, in the corn fields and wildflowers, up in the trees, and along the creeks we followed. I rarely thought about those days with my friend, till so many years later, when something, some insight hit me and gave me a start, right between the eyes and drifted down to my heart.

Another friend of mine sent me a message online in a forum and said something that filled me with wonder in a beautiful way. Right there before me on my computer screen, words that threw me back to childhood and dragged me through to today. It was like flying, twirling, through mists and memories, back, back, stopped, showed me those days with my imaginary friend — then back through the mists and plunked me down again.

This man I had not known for long, and who had no knowledge of my childhood “imaginary friend” or my twin soul, sent me a message that was like a song. It was a message about a dear friend I had grown very close to. We met on a site in a forum and chatted, played games, and sent private messages back and forth. We teased each other in a remarkably nostalgic way, as if we had always been together. To go one day without contacting each other was emotional torture. We had so much to say and so little time each day to be together.

My other friend, who is Wiccan and a Seer, said, “I love to watch the two of you on the web, chatting back and forth, teasing each other, and acting like kids who had found each other again after thirty years or so, delighting in your reunion, joyfully brought back together and once more playing like kids.” Could it be….?, I thought. I pondered the message from a friend who saw with such clarity. When he said “thirty years” it threw me back to my childhood and my imaginary friend. As a child, I knew about my imaginary friend who was so true — I knew about my twin soul as an adult and never connected the two. I was stunned. I knew my Wiccan friend was a Seer, but I could barely believe he knew my heart’s secret. My twin soul was my imaginary friend of long ago!

my twin soul and I played in the meadow

Wildflower meadow where twin souls played. Public Domain

My Heart’s Flame ~

You see, for about half of my adult life, I have known about a man who is my twin soul. I had many dreams about him for over thirty years, thirty years of endearments and bonding in dreams, and shedding tears. The tears were shed because, in dreams and in spirit, we knew we could not be together in this life. We were on different paths, had different life styles, and must travel different miles. In spirit I knew he was twin soul and I believe he did also.

I knew him almost instantly when we met online — I knew he was my twin soul, yet not mine. He is a man of integrity, all I had hoped he would be. He has compassion, dedication, loyalty, a kind heart, a good soul and all I had hoped for. Yet he is not mine in this life, he does not belong to me, not the way I want him to be. He is just a dear and loving friend, no more, no less.

I had struggled for over two years whether to approach him about my feelings, what was in my heart, how I loved him beyond all earthly desire. Our friendship was filled with kindness and fire. Some days we laughed and knew each others thoughts, other times we argued like kids, felt hurt, ignored each other, then came back together, we were like kids in that way. How he felt in his heart, I cannot say, for he does not express his feelings easily.

I did not ever come right out and tell him how I felt, that was to be the hand that the Spirit dealt, and the whole issue was taken out of my hands by Madame Destiny. I tried to explain to him what a twin soul is, but that did not relate to his beliefs. With subtle hints I maybe should not have said, he guessed that I believed he was my twin soul — that was a joy for me that quickly turned sad, and maybe for the best. He cannot grasp the twin soul concept, nor the love I have for him that nothing on Earth can ever change. For years we walked together in spirit, loved in spirit, now he walks on without me to places I cannot go… and I walk alone with my injured soul, always remembering my twin soul.

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