I fell pregnant in 2012, and in the beginning, things went as expected. My partner and I were shocked at first, we hadn’t been trying for a baby. After the shock wore off we began to get excited, after going over a few things we realised we could we could do this. However just a few weeks later I began to doubt that we would be raising this baby together. He had a few personal issues that I thought he was committed to solving, I was wrong about that. I also had this uneasy feeling that he was cheating on me again. Yes, I said again. I realise that I was stupid to give him a second chance, but if I hadn’t then I wouldn’t be where I am today so I guess I that to thank him for.
After I had come to terms with what was happening I had an important question to ask myself, could I do this on my own? For a while, I wasn’t sure what the answer was, I not only had to get used to the idea of raising a baby by myself. But I still had to deal with my ex and his problems, one of those problems being social services. My ex had other children before we got together and their mother wasn’t going to win any parent of the year awards. They were also questioning if he was a good parent himself, and at the time I believed he could be, I now know it was just something I wanted to believe. There was another aspect as well that they were concerned about – me. I’m a wheelchair user and they wanted to assess whether or not I could care for my own child. I wasn’t too concerned with myself I wouldn’t have brought a child into this world. Thankfully social services saw no issue with myself or my family and the case was closed.
That was one less thing I had to worry about but things were still rocky for a while. Hormones were all over the place, and even though I had the support of my friends and family I had still never felt so alone. There was one point that I thought I was going to have a breakdown. I remember that day so well and it was a turning point for me. I’d had an appointment at the hospital to have a scan. It should have been a joyful time but my ex had been cold to me all day. He’d moved in with the woman he had been cheated on me with and I knew he no longer cared about me or our child, I doubt he ever did. When he left after the hospital he couldn’t get away fast enough and I started crying, for a few minutes I thought that I would never stop. But then I did, I thought to myself, why am I crying over someone that clearly only cares himself. I had to focus on myself and my child, after that I never cried over him again and I started to feel stronger.
I starting thinking about how I was going to bring up this child and what sort of parent I was going to be. I figured out how I was going to do each task alone if I had to, and above all, I was going to give my child the best life he could possibly ask for. When my son was born I knew everything was going to be okay and nearly five years later I have proved myself right. He is a happy boy that is loved and well cared for, it hasn’t been easy at times and I’ve had my moments where I have resented his ‘father’ for not being around. For the most part, however, I wouldn’t change it for the world.